


Mend

by Lunarborn



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Changed Chris/Ashley and Matt/Emily to background pairings because they aren't really focused on, F/M, I just want everyone to be ok with everyone, Mentions of Hannah and Beth, Warning for violence bc idk how in depth it'll get later on, they are sad children please save them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-04-24 08:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4911904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarborn/pseuds/Lunarborn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had struck her the moment she saw his face again. He didn't think she'd come. She had made him believe that she had given up on him. That she wasn't coming back. She had thought so herself. </p><p>Alternate ending in which Mike and Josh leave the mine successfully and everyone lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So then why couldn't you stay away?

Sam _was falling. She had been running through the tunnels of the mines, desperately trying to retrace her steps, desperately trying to put distance between her and the shrieks of the monster, distance between her and slow drip of the dead man's blood._

_She’d been so focused on the sounds of the wendigo that her weary eyes didn't notice how the ground had started crumbling, how she’d ran straight towards a ledge, and now she was painfully tumbling down, too fast for her to find any real purchase on the rocks before she hit the bottom. She bit down harshly on her lip, willing herself to not let her cry of pain out, for fear of being heard._

_But it had suddenly become deathly quiet. The wendigos howl that been echoing the tunnels had stopped entirely. For a few long moments the only sounds to be heard were her ragged breaths and her own heartbeat. And then she heard him. She heard Josh, just as she had before-he was mumbling to himself, voice hoarse and cracking with pain, rising in volume now as he became more distraught._

_He was seeing them again, Hannah and Beth, and as Sam strained her eyes she could see him in the space in front of her . And then she froze. There was another Wendigo climbing along the wall towards him, closing in on Josh’s voice. Caught up in his mind, he turned, shouting out towards the darkness._

_She couldn’t will words to leave her mouth, couldn’t move her body, couldn’t look away. She wanted to scream, because Josh was right there and she was going to have to watch as that thing tore him apart, she was going to have to watch him die again and--_

She bolted up in bed, her whole body trembling. A glance at her phone tells her it's half past three, but she isn’t laying back down, she won’t sleep and she knows it. She curls up in herself and waits for the sun to rise.

Sam could no longer count the number of times this had happened since the night on the mountain. Moments of rest became few and far between, and she couldn't recall a night when she wasn't woken with nightmares, nor could she recall a time when the dark had been peaceful and relaxing instead of suffocating. And so she waited for dawn, waited for it the same way they all had that night.

Sometimes the silence of her own house was too much when she woke, and she'd call Mike. It didn't seem odd to Sam that he was usually already up when she called, and sometimes they'd talk about their nightmares, but more often than not it was much more comfortable to talk quietly about other things. What didn't particularly matter, because it was a distraction regardless. She'd thought several times about dialing Josh's number on those nights. She refrained from doing so.

Everyone survived the night and Mike brought Josh back safely, but what he did is unforgivable. She knows this. She knows it more than anything, and even Chris seems wary of him, looks like he’s trying to hold onto the same trust for Josh that he once had unsuccessfully. It’s been a little over two months since that night and only three of them have even bothered visiting him.

If Emily never spoke to any of them again after that night it wouldn’t be too surprising. She blamed nearly everyone for not sticking up for her when Mike tried shooting her, and although Sam had stood up for her Emily was furious at her just the same for still communicating with them. Matt stayed with Em, so he became distant too, and although he made attempts at talking with the others, it’s doubtful at best that he’ll visit Josh. They’d never been close.

Ashley looks downright terrified when confronted with the idea of seeing Josh again. She had said that she's sorry and that she knows it isn’t entirely his fault, but she can’t see him in person again. Not yet, she isn’t ready for that yet. She might never be.

Jess has her own problems. She’s recovered enough to return home, but it’s clear that a part of her was lost in those mines, trapped forever. Her parents were infuriated, and if even if she was feeling up to seeing anyone but Mike again they wouldn’t let her see Josh, that much Sam knew.

So that left three. Three old friends who had made the choice of keeping Josh in their lives. Chris, Mike and herself. Chris is the least surprising, because despite everything Chris is still his best friend, and the odds of him pushing Josh out of his life are one in a million. He's always cared deeply for Josh, and the fact that things had gotten so bad without Chris knowing, without anyone knowing, crushed him.

Mike surprises Sam however. He and Josh were never really close, that distance spreading ten fold after Hannah and Beth’s disappearance.

The conversation between the two of them on the matter was exceedingly brief.

When she asked he had laughed bitterly, a sad look in his eyes. “It’s the least I can do, isn’t it? I was the one who embarrassed Hannah back then. I didn’t even try reaching out to him after the fact. Hell Sam, I didn’t even say _sorry_. Not to him. I’m not making the same mistake again. What he did was wrong, no doubt, but I was wrong too. I just wish I would have owned up to that sooner.”

Sam was left speechless. Mike had matured so much, and she left the conversation at that, because he was confident and so sure that was he was doing was right. She envied him for that.

Mike and Chris both had seen him before her, and offered to take her with them when they went to visit. She had been dead set on keeping him out of her life forever. It was a simple fact, a mantra she repeated in her head: what Josh did is unforgivable.

No one denied that. Chris and Mike knew it just as well as she did. They still visited him every week, still kept in touch with him over the phone. They still cared about him, and even if they didn't entirely forgive him for what happened, they were willing to move past it with him. Because they knew it was partly their fault. Because they knew Josh would give anything to take it back now.

Sam told herself that it didn't hurt when she thought about him, that she didn't want to see him. She tried to convince herself that she didn't care. That he wasn't plaguing her dreams.

She eventually came to realize that even after everything he'd done, she still wanted to talk to him. So she stopped lying to herself. She was never good at it anyway.

She arrived at his doorstep exactly two months after the incident. She didn't tell Chris or Mike, and she wasn't planning on doing so until after she'd met up with him. She did tell Josh in advance, however. There was a nagging fear at the back of her mind, that maybe he'd be the one to turn her down, send her away. His reaction was quite the opposite.

She barely had time to knock once before the door swung open, Josh looking at her disbelievingly. "You came," he nearly whispered, "You actually came..."

A wave of guilt overwhelming her, she pulled him into a hug that he was hesitant to return, wrapping his arms around her carefully, as if he feared she might disappear. She didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but she needed to. She needed the reassurance that he was real, that this wasn't another dream. It seemed that he needed that too.

It had struck her the moment she saw his face again. He didn't think she'd come. She had made him believe that she had given up on him. That she wasn't coming back. She had thought so herself.

"I'm sorry Josh, I'm here now, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." She repeated her words over and over again in her mind, a new mantra, a new absolute.

This wasn't going to be easy. She knew that this didn't mean everything could be normal again. Their old normal had died long ago and they were going to have to find a new one, a new routine, but she was willing now. He stroked her back carefully, still fearful that she might fall apart, might vanish.

"Me too Sammy...I'm sorry too.."

And she knew why she had woken up from the same dream time and time again, cold and trembling and _afraid_. Her worst nightmare was losing him. She'd almost let it happen too.


	2. Knowing all the things we just escaped

It suddenly occurred to Sam that Josh's house was very large. This was something known without saying, but it had never felt that way to her. Hannah and Beth's presence had filled it with warmth, and this place had been filled to the brim with the memories they had all made. It was intolerable at the moment to try to think of even one.

This wasn't that house anymore; it was large and cold and _alien_. A chill ran down her spine as she followed Josh into the living room. She found it extremely unsettling that this place was the same house somehow. It felt like some deeply fabricated lie.

"So, why the living room?" She said, curiously lifting an eyebrow at him as they sat down on the couch.

"Oh. I just..." He trailed off, eyes wandering the room for a few moments. "I don't stay in my room anymore. I don't like passing by _their_ rooms."

A stab of guilt twisted in Sam's gut. She didn't even realize, and it seemed blatantly obvious now."I shouldn't have asked, I didn't mean to-"

"No, no it's fine. You aren't a mind reader. Lucky for you, really. Anyways, why'd you decide to come and see me after two months? Chris didn't bribe you into it, did he?" The joking tone he attempted to put into his words sounded weak and unsure.

Sam placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and his nervous gaze settled on hers. “Josh. I came because I wanted to. Chris and Mike don’t even know I’m here, nobody does, okay?”

He nodded, and his eyes trailed down to his own hands in his lap. "You _wanted_ to come see me then? That's hard to believe, you know."

She had expected this coming here. As if he hadn't had enough reason to worry, she ignored him for a solid two months. She took a deep breath. There was no real point in trying to dance around what she wanted to say.

"I know. It took me awhile to decide to come here, at first I didn't even think I would. But I did, because I miss you, Josh. And I was hoping that you'd let me be a part of your life again. I don't want to leave you behind anymore, I'm right here, and that's why."

Midway through her little speech he had looked up at her, incredulous at first, and then his expression changed to something akin to trust. A long moment of silence filled the room, until finally Josh's lips upturned in a small smile.

"Yeah, okay. If that's really what you want. I'd like that."

The moment was warm and Sam smiled back at him, able to relax a bit more. He'd let her stay then, let her visit the way Chris and Mike did. It felt almost natural to her. This was was a start.

Regardless, there was an awkwardness that clung to a situation like this; one where neither person knew what to say to the other after such a long period of saying nothing. Slowly but surely, it began to fade away as the two sat in each other's company.

Hours passed and they talked about small things first, one conversation seamlessly leading to another. Sam forgot how cold the house felt. For a while, they could both forget.

Josh told her about how his recent visits with Chris and Mike have been. Now that Chris and Ashley were together he'd occasionally catch Chris nervously fidgeting around only to find that he'd been worrying over his love life. Josh thought it was amusing and even kind of cute apparently, he made a point to let Chris know too, teasing him plenty. He whole face lit up when he told her, and he was obviously happy for his best friend. Chris often called to check up on him, and sometimes just to talk about things when he couldn't come over to visit. They'd play video games and go out to eat, and for the most part things were okay between them. When the mention of Ashley was needed to tell the story, however, Josh quickly moved past the name, as if it burned his tongue to say.

He'd briefly brushed over it with a mumbled "It's just well, you know, Ash is kind of... _scared_ of me, so she won't really talk to me anymore."

Before Sam could say anything, he was shaking his head and quickly moving on, moving on to Mike, probably because talking about Chris again risked mentioning Ashley.

Mike's visits were much more awkward, for the both of them, to begin with. Mike hadn't exactly been Josh's best friend at any given point, and when he'd came to visit for the first time Josh had nearly bolted, worried Mike had come to hurt him again for the "prank". Mike had calmly and patiently explained to Josh then, that he didn't blame him for that night, and that he was sorry, sorry for everything. Josh's voice caught on the words as he explained it to Sam. He and Mike had never been close, but the gesture alone, the way Mike was willing to take the time to make amends, was clearly making a difference. Their friendship was more authentic now than it ever had been, even though it was new.

Mike would come over, usually some take out food in hand, offering Josh some. Josh had told him that he didn't always have to do that, that if he was hungry he could always just eat there, but Mike shrugged it off. It made more sense to him to just buy the food, it didn't cost much and it was on the way to Josh's house anyway. He, of course, never failed to buy some for Josh though. The fact that they even hung out on regular basis still amazed Sam. To say the least, their interests weren't the same. When they hung out and watched TV Mike tried to get Josh to watch his cheesy action shows, Josh tried to convince him to watch 'decent movies'. They were working on it.

Sam wanted to be able to tell him more when he asked, but she'd hardly hung out with anyone, and more of what she had to share was heavy and not light. She was positive there was plenty of bad Josh had to share too, but he had been telling her about all the good things to start, and was quick to skim over anything relating to two months ago. That was perfectly fine with her, that was something she could completely understand.

It felt too soon still to directly speak of it if it could be helped. Josh clearly didn't want to delve into the subject yet, but when he was ready to she would be there. It made her heart skip a fearful beat at the thought of the topic of Blackwood having to come up, yet she knew it would eventually. Right now wasn't that time. She tried to elaborate on her own stories of what she'd been doing for two months, cutting out what didn't need to yet be said.

She finally got up to leave once they had both started yawning. Josh eyed her with a fearful expression. It didn't seem like he wanted to let her go.

"I'll be back to visit soon, alright?"

"Alright. Call me when you get the chance?"

She smiled at him. "Absolutely."

As she made her way to the entrance, her phone lit up in her hand, and she answered, phone between shoulder, as she tried shoving her feet back into her shoes in the doorway.

"Hello?"

"Sam, where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you for hours!" Mike exclaimed on the other end.

"Oh. Um, sorry, I was out and my phone was on silent. Is something wrong?"

"No, but I sure fucking thought something was; you always answer. I'm glad that's all it was then. My bad, nevermind."

Josh's voice rang out behind her. "Hey Sam, before you go, you forgot your sweater...Sam?"

Her shoulders tensed and she heard Mike's breath on the other end of the line."Was that...Josh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was way more difficult for me than the first was, but I think it kind of needs to be there? I don't really think they'd instantly dive right into everything that happened circumstantially so yeah. 
> 
> Thanks for such a positive reaction to the first chapter, I hope this one is okay! Also I plan on possibly shifting towards another character for either the next chapter or the one after, but it will shift back to Sam again! I think what I have in mind will just start to better tie things together?
> 
> Feedback is appreciated once again!:)


	3. Yet you can't say you've even saved yourself

Sam grabbed her sweater from Josh in a hurry. He looked at her, confused, and she mouthed "Mike", before waving a quick goodbye and stepping out into the night.

"Wait, Wait- you went to see him?"

"Yes, I did. Please don't make a big deal out of this?"

"It is a big deal! I mean, a good big deal, but still-"

A muffled voice in the background called out. "What's a big deal?"

Sam was internally kicking herself. "Is that Chris? Oh god, you're hanging out with Chris." Just her luck. What better way to tell them?

"Well, yeah. We were going to invite you, but you wouldn't pick up the phone. Just come over now."

"What? Mike no, it's late and I'm going home. Why would I could come over now?" She was already in her car, trying to rush the conversation along so she could leave.

"So that we can talk about this!"

More annoyed now, Chris groaned. "Talk about what? Mike, what is going on!?"

" There is nothing to talk about!" This was starting to irritate her, and her foot tapped up and down on the floor of her car angrily. He was being so invading, happy or not, she wished he would drop it.

"You’re kidding me, right? You said you were done with Josh. So why did you-"

" Because, Mike! I _missed_ him, okay? I missed Josh and I was sick of pretending I didn't. I’m driving home now. Goodnight." She quickly hit end, before he could say anything further, starting her car and pulling out of the driveway. She took a deep breath to steady her hands on the steering wheel.

It wasn't exactly how she had wanted the conversation to go, but she was tired and Mike's stubbornness was getting on her nerves. She made her way home, phone blaring with message notifications.

Once she arrived, she crawled into her bed, wrapping herself up in blankets before checking her phone. A long list of messages lit up her screen, most of them from Mike, sloppily composed apologies about being too insistent. She huffed out a breath of angry air, opting to answer him tomorrow.

He had the best intentions, she knew, but he didn’t always go about things the right way. He had spoken with a child-like excitement, and she’d almost felt bad. He had wanted her to come over right away and tell him all about it, that was the exact reason she had become frustrated in the first place. It was overwhelming, she didn’t want to make something huge out of this. It would be better for this to be something to slowly slip into her life, something that was maybe even normal. A sort of routine, not some dramatic event.

Scrolling through the messages, Sam was mildly surprised when she saw a few from Chris buried under Mike's rambling.

_Chris: you probably don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to say thank you though, he asks about you a lot_

_Chris: Josh, I mean. I know it means a lot to him_

She had unknowingly began shaking, her heart twisting painfully. Her hands felt weak, her phone slipping out of her hand and falling to the floor. She scrambled to pick it up, staring at Chris’ words, re-reading them over and over again. She didn’t know what to say, hadn’t a clue what to she could respond with. So her phone is placed screen down on her window sill. She stared straight ahead of her, taking in every detail of her wallpaper.

This shouldn’t be upsetting. Josh wouldn’t have to ask Chris how she was doing anymore, he could ask her. They were talking now, but they hadn’t been, and he still asked how she was doing, when really he couldn’t have been doing much better than she was. Worse, probably. It was too late to take it back, she couldn’t change how she had avoided him. What she was doing now was right, wasn’t it? She was there this time, she wasn’t going to ignore him any longer. That fact she had in the first place kept her thoughts running in circles. Reminding herself that she was talking to Josh now, that things were slowly starting to look up finally, didn’t help. Because there were still the countless dreams of how she had let him down, how she hadn’t been there for him yet again, when he’d been hurt and lost. She hadn’t helped him. How could she, when she couldn’t even help herself? She had been hurting too, grieving too, still she could have tried harder. Could have tried to do more when he had needed her.

Sinking down into her thoughts, she stayed absorbed in them for a period of time unknown to her, fighting fatigue, fear stricken at the thought of sleep. Moving from bed, she paced her room, using the movement to keep her awake. Her limbs and mind ached in tired protest but this was much better than any other option she had.

Better than answering Mike tonight, with her patience already running thin. Or Chris, who she couldn’t possibly answer, couldn’t bring herself to even look at the message any longer. Better than laying down and letting herself drift into unconsciousness, certain it would end terribly. The only true choice she had was to stay awake, she could sleep later, when she was too worn to even think of all of this.

The urge to call Josh overcame her and she stopped mid-pace. It was absolutely out of the question. He wasn’t ready to talk about things like this yet, and in this condition she wouldn’t be able to speak of much else either. It’d be terribly selfish ,so pushing the thought aside she continued moving, trying hard to ignore the phone across the room from her. Scaring him away wouldn’t make anything better. In the morning she’d be able to think of the future, think of the possibility of something brighter. For now her thoughts were stuck in the past. It was going to be a long night, but it would be better in the morning. She would call him in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think maybe I should stop writing these really late at night, but I don't have any other uninterrupted writing time in the day. This is kind of short, sorry about that. I can only hope for this to sound better in the morning ;.;
> 
> Also! next chapter will be shifting to focus on someone else for a bit, who I won't say! I've already got a good start on it too! 
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	4. Shattered glass and battle scars, but you're still a star

Jessica had broken every mirror in her room, and every cut and every blood stain on the carpet was more than worth it. What was a few more scars, anyway? She couldn't look in that damned thing, she couldn't stand it. Pain wasn't much to pay for the relief she felt when they were all removed.

She could pass it off to her parents as her not wanting to look at her scars, she could tell them she was bothered by how "ugly" she'd become. It was easier that way even. They could understand that well enough and it didn't raise many questions.

The first time Mike had came over to visit and saw her bandaged hand and missing door mirror, he already knew. He'd held her close and kissed her hand, and she'd let angry tears spill over because she didn't have to pretend with him.

She couldn't look herself in the eyes. Jessica hated her eyes more than anything in the world. They weren't her own anymore, they were stolen. The life and joy and happiness sucked straight out of them, and she looked like a breathing corpse.

Her eyes reminded her of the monster that dragged her down the mines in the first place, the monster that she and Matt had escaped together. She often worried that maybe they reminded Mike of the same thing, that they'd scare him away. They didn't, couldn't have, because he stayed. He came to see her almost daily, and never once did he look at her with fear or contempt. He'd look into her eyes, her ugly _horrid_ eyes, with so much love so that she couldn't keep her face from stretching into a smile. Somehow, he didn't mind them, and she was extremely grateful.

It took a while, but she was smiling again. Starting to _feel_ again and it was all because of him. They could talk to each other about anything, everything that was bothering them they told the other. Opening up, even to Mike, had been impossible at first. The best she could manage in the beginning was to look at him helplessly, unable to vocalize her fears. There were too many words, yet there weren't enough, because the right words didn't exist.

He talked for her. Poured his heart out to her in a way that she'd never seen _old_ Mike do. Everything he'd been through that night and how he felt about it, he told her. Voice wrought with emotion, tracing the stumps where his fingers used to be, talking about chasing after to her. How he had thought her dead, thought he was too late. He had broken down, starting to cry, and she hadn't been far behind him. Holding each other close, they had cried, and after awhile she had started to laugh.

"Jess?"

"Mike, I'm so _happy_. How the hell did we make it out of there? I don't understand it but... We are here now, and we're scared and scarred sure, but we're here and together and _alive_."

"You really are the light of my life, you know that?" And he was laughing with her now, both of them smiling, tears still staining their cheeks.

"I've got to say Jess, that's a truly amazing way of thinking about it." And after that it wasn't so hard, because they had each other, he anchored her there in the present so that she wasn't falling back. She was certain she did the same for him.

Jess' parents adored Mike now, so they didn't mind that he practically lived there. Funny how it took him saving her from certain death for them to welcome him into their house with anything more than a harsh glare.

After about a month she told him she was ready to start leaving the house again. He was ecstatic, taking her all around town on dates. Many nights they'd climb up on her roof, looking at the stars. It felt better than being inside to her, less confining, it was open and _free_.

After a while her mind began wandering to the others, and when Mike went to visit them she began wanting to see them too, to reconnect with them. It made her feel isolated, and when he talked about them it only made it worse.

She has tried talking to Em again, but she wouldn't answer any of her calls or texts. She had probably blocked Jessica's number. She had planned the upcoming Saturday for Chris and Ashley to go to an ice skating rink with her and Mike, and she beamed happily when they accepted. The four of them hanging out, and she could even call it a double date.

Sam had come over earlier in the week when Jess had invited her over. Her eyes were full of sleep, but she was all smiles as the two of them sat and caught up a little. Sam had a comforting presence that she appreciated greatly.

Things weren't perfect, they each still had their own personal nightmares to struggle through, but they were slowly starting to communicate again. That was was all she wanted right now, to be able to actually connect with these people, to have genuine friendships with them.

Josh too even, but Jess couldn't risk even mentioning him in conversation for more than a few moments. If her parents happened to overhear her it'd be like the Blackwood interrogation all over again.

So she had to wait, wait until they were sitting up on her roof one night and her parents were out. Not that they'd hear them up here, but still, it felt safer to say when there was no risk at all.

"You're going to go see Josh tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, sure am. Why, what's up?"

"Do you think he'd let me come too?" She said, turning her eyes from the stars over to him.

"Forget what he'd say, your parents would kill me if I brought you with."

"Who said we were going to tell them?"

He turned to look at her now, grinning as he quirked an eyebrow. "That's how it's going to be, huh? I could ask him if you want. What brought this on anyway? You and Josh aren't all buddy-buddy."

"Well you never were either! I don't really care about that, I want to try Mike. I want to help too. I think it's better that way, we all need the support."

He nodded in agreement. "You just might be right about that. I think that's the right way to go."

"So you'll ask then?"

He placed a kiss to her forehead, sitting up as he pulled out his cell, starting to dial Josh's number. She watched him intently, her eyes filled with hope instead of death.

"I'll ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun with this one ok not gonna lie: I love Jess. Let me know what you guys think of this one since it's a little bit different!! 
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	5. Piecing together our fragile remains

Jess stretched her arms high above her head, jumping out of bed, morning light brightening her room and matching her mood. Josh was okay with her accompanying Mike, and her parents thought they were going to see Sam.

She was a little bit nervous, but she shook it off. Nothing was going anywhere if they didn't try. No matter how things went, she was willing to try working through it. 

Pulling open her drawers she picked out her clothes and started getting ready. Once she was done she headed down to her kitchen, pouring herself some coffee and waiting for Mike to show up. There was a knock at the door ten minutes later, so she grabbed a jacket and went to the door, opening it and greeting Mike with a smile. 

"Ready to head out to breakfast?" He said, walking back to his car with her.

"More than ready! Where are we eating?"

"You know that little diner by the bookstore Ashley works at? That's the place Josh picked out."

"Alright, sounds good!" They had gotten into the car but Mike didn't start the car yet, turning to look at her.

 "I almost forgot, he called me this morning and asked if we minded Sam coming too. Apparently her classes were canceled today, so she's free. I figured why not, and now we're only half lying to your parents, since we are seeing Sam."

"Of course she can, this is even better!" Jessica was smiling hugely, nearly jumping up and down in her seat in excitement.

"Why is that?"

"Because, it's like two double dates in a week!"

"Woah, slow down there Jess, they aren't _dating_. They've only been talking again for, what, two weeks?"

She rolled her eyes at him, smile intact. "Not yet. They totally like each other Mike! Probably have for years. Plus they're super cute, and I think they'd be good for each other."

"Well, if it happens it happens, but don't get your hopes up. If they really have liked each other for that long, they sure as hell haven't done anything about it."

"Neither did Chris and Ashley, look at them now!" Jess said determinedly.

 He laughed at that. "That is a good point, not gonna lie. Let's wait and see though, don't go pulling any match making stunts on me."

"Oh, trust me, I won't need to."

"And just," Mike added, voice quieter now,"don't say anything about that, yknow? You're probably right, but I'm pretty sure it's too soon. I can't be totally sure what happened between them up there, I'm gonna guess it's nothing good though."

Her smile faltered. "Do you think they've talked about it yet?"

"I don't know. I doubt they're going to come running to tell us when they do."

"I hope they figure it out soon. For both their sakes..."

"One step at a time, Jess. One step at a time."

By the time they arrived Josh and Sam were already inside, waiting for them in a booth at the center of the restaurant. They didn't see them approaching, Sam was speaking avidly, Josh looking at her endearingly, both of them with grins on their face. 

 "Good morning you two!" Jess sang, catching their attention.

 "Good morning," Sam smiled at Jess as she and Mike got seated in the booth across from them, "We waited for you guys to order, so our waiter should be back any minute."

"Hey, good to see you guys finally showed up." The nervous edge to Josh's voice was hard to miss, and Jess looked warmly at him, trying for a look of reassurance.

 "Sorry we're a little bit late, but it's great to be here."

Jess smiled across the table at Josh, who returned the gesture briefly. There was a flicker of what she swore to be panic in his eyes, but he looked away and it was gone as quickly as it came.

 She had been worried things might be awkward and tense. No one could possibly be healed yet, but they were doing alright in the moment. There was a comfort in knowing that they were in the company of friends. The company of people that had once wronged one another, and were trying to make it right now.  

After they'd ordered and things gradually became more comfortable, Jess was starting to feel a little more welcome. Mike and Sam were arguing over the authenticity of a wilderness survival show, and Mike seemed seemed to be winning. He was nothing if not persuasive, and debating with him was difficult. Sam threw a grape at him, frustrated, and he caught it in his mouth. She scowled, calling him a show off. He grinned triumphantly in return.

Josh was even joking around, and he only looked slightly uncomfortable at the newness of Jessica’s company. His humor was definitely obscene, and although Sam was rolling her eyes, she was laughing along with others just the same. It seemed that everything was going well, and the thought was comforting to Jess.

 But then, she couldn't be sure. What a person really felt and what they'd have you believe can be completely different things, after all. Josh had already shown how great he was at putting up a front, although he did so in the worst way. It couldn't be too optimistic to hope that he's finally started opening up, genuinely, could it?

A couple of times, Jess caught him glancing up at her when he thought she wasn't looking. He looked guilty, he'd noticed she saw him staring and he was avoiding eye contact now. She glanced worriedly at him as everyone finished their meals. Josh hadn't eaten a whole lot, and he was picking at his food with his fork. Maybe coming along wasn't a good idea? Maybe he just said yes to be nice, but didn't want her there at all? The last thing Jess had wanted was to make him uncomfortable.

 When they had gotten up and walked out to the parking lot he looked her in the eyes again and spoke. "Jess, I just wanted to say thank you for coming with us today." He took a deep breath, and she noticed Mike and Sam's banter had stopped. Mike was looking carefully between Her and Josh, and Sam's hand was placed lightly on Josh's arm, as if to help him steady his breathing further.

 "Even after...After everything that happened, you guys still want to _see_ me and I just really appreciate it." His voice was shaky.

"Josh, you don't have to thank me. We've all been through a lot, it's wouldn't be fair to act like you deserve any less than the others."

He looked at her, unable to speak, but the look in his eyes was so _grateful_. She held her arms out in the gesture of a hug, looking at him questioningly. He nodded silently at her, and she wrapped her arms around him gently. After a moment she felt the warmth of someone else embracing them, and realized Mike and Sam had joined in.

 Josh was shaking, a smile on his face. He looked so happy, and that only made Jess feel that much better about this. Coming along definitely wasn't a mistake. People were probably staring at their emotional little group hug in front of the diner, but none of them cared.

They said their goodbyes and parted ways, on the way back to her house Jess couldn't stop smiling. Her face began to hurt a bit from it, which hardly mattered, because she was sure she'd see more of Josh and Sam both.

\----

Saturday came along, and she showed up at the ice rink with Mike early this time so she tied on her skates and made for the rink. Mike had went to go rent a pair of skates, but she had brought her own.

Jess loved the feeling of gliding along the ice, it was a fluid, wonderful dance; yet another thing, much like stargazing, that made her feel free. A large portion of her childhood was spent coming here with her mom, and this place could make her feel nostalgic in both the best and worst ways.

Ashley and Chris arrived not long after she started skating, yet she was distracted and didn't notice until they started up in applause.

"Jessica, that was amazing!" There was wonder in Ashley's voice.

 "Why, thank you." She took a dramatic bow.

"It was pretty amazing, not going to lie, but just wait until you see _me_ on ice."

"You can't even rollerskate Chris." Mike said from the bench he was sitting on, tying skates on. "So yeah, I guess I really can't wait to 'see you on ice.' Literally."

 Everyone got on the rink, Jess and Mike having a much easier time skating. Chris was holding onto Ashley for dear life, and she looked like she was having a hard time keeping herself up with his added weight. In fact she couldn't keep them both up the whole time, and they fell a couple of times. Ashley would ask Chris if he was okay, and he'd laugh it off and say how it was just the rental skates he "wasn't used to." After the fourth fall they stood by the edge of the rink, using the wall for support as they walked carefully, trying to stay balanced.

After a while Mike and Jess joined them, and they talked about everyday things, Chris was going on about his most recent Swift coding project. Ashley told Jess about this new romance novel they just got in the bookstore, offering to lend her a copy she had of her own. At one point Ashley mentioned how she'd saw Em and Matt in the grocery store a week ago, and Jessica perked up, instantly interested.

"Is she doing okay? What about Matt?" An almost painful hope ached in her chest.

 Emily and Jessica used to be so _close_ , but ever since the prank they had played on Hannah backfired, they've haven't really talked. Not like they used to anyway, it's been a while now, but Jess still cares and wants to see if she's okay. Matt of course too, especially considering the fact that if it weren't for him she'd probably be dead.

Chris and Ashley exchanged a look, silently communicating something to each other by expression alone. Ashley sighed, looking back to her.

 "I'm sorry Jess, I didn't really talk to her. She looked like she was trying to kill me with a look alone, and Matt just looked at us like he was trying to silently apologize to us for it. I'm not so sure they ever will start talking to everybody again, with what happened that night with," She glanced awkwardly at Mike. He shrunk back at the look." Well, you know."

Jess nodded, forcing a smile. "That's fair enough. I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up."

Ashley looked like she wanted to say something more, but Jess brushed it off, going off to skate until they left. It was a good distraction. It still hurt nonetheless; Ashley was probably right. She'd never seen Em tolerate people who she thought did her wrong. There was no reason for that to change now, especially when the wrongdoing had been a gun aimed at her head.

 Jess focused on her movements, focused on the ice. Thought about all the other pleasant things that had been said today. She didn't want it spoiled by feeling this way, didn't want to think about how much Em surely hated them.

 They talked more as they all went and returned skates and put their shoes back on. Wonderful distractions, about small little things that didn't particularly matter. She was more relieved than she thought possible.

They waved Chris and Ashley goodbye, and Jess had thoroughly enjoyed how relaxed and ordinary the majority of the date had been. She avoids the nagging in the back of her mind about the mention of Em, and for the rest of the day it doesn't cross her mind.

 What does however, is the fragile situation of how they're all trying to adjust. Everyone of them, trying to reforge bonds or cope in their own ways, and sometimes they were alright, but it was so easy to fall apart. So easy to go from okay to miserable, and she knew it must be that way for everyone else. She tossed in bed with worry, wondering if any of her friends were kept awake by these thoughts. Wondering exactly what each of them had to shoulder when they layed down at night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really tired and I can never tell how well these are written, but this is definitely the longest chapter so far, so there's that. Focus will be returning to Sam after this, and just so you all know it's going to be a real blast. 8)
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	6. Movie night

Sam had always been an independent person. Even when she was younger she wanted to do things on her own, wanted to manage things by herself. She didn't like asking for help, would much rather help other people than she would ask them a favor in return. Never did she think poorly of those who needed help, and yet asking for it herself made her feel like a burden. People were too busy with their lives, they had plenty to take care of as it was, so she didn't make them take care of her too. Taking care of herself, dealing with her problems and feelings herself usually wasn't hard, she had managed just fine most of her life.

 There was a point in time, however, when she realized that while independence wasn't a bad thing, never relying on anyone else was. While she was still much more inclined to handling things herself, this realization had helped in convincing her to stop avoiding Josh in the first place. It felt clear to her now that this was the right choice, while she had been unsure before, Sam was certain that not reaching out to him would have been a mistake. Josh might have wanted to speak to her, might have wished it more than anything or not at all, either way he wouldn’t have reached out to her. He hadn’t a year ago, and Sam refused to make the same mistake again. This time they had a _chance_ , she could help him just as he could help her, he truthfully already was. That being the case, sooner or later, they’d have to talk about that night, although to what extent she wasn’t sure. Surprisingly the thought became less terrifying to her as the days passed. The night hadn’t lost its sense of horror in her mind, the need to actually address it had just became more urgent.

Talking about how they felt wouldn't erase the problem, things wouldn't instantly be resolved with a couple of heartfelt words. Day by day things were getting better, it was slow progress but it was progress nonetheless. Things were changing, weren’t backtracking this time, all they needed to do was find the courage to face the problem instead of hiding from it. They’d been avoiding that for weeks, it was really more easily said than done. Both of them felt at fault for Hannah and Beth’s disappearance, just as both of them had moments when they angrily wanted to blame the other’s for their cruelty. She had never spoken of it with him, but the look in his eyes that she saw sometimes, when momentarily his mind was somewhere far away, was a look Sam had recognized in her own. It was the same look she saw reflected in mirror when woke up from her usual death-filled dreams. Those dreams had been haunting him longer than they had her, she was certain.

 She had been having dreams about the twins ever since they disappeared, but they used to be hopeful, happy ones, ones where they were found. Sam would run up to them, tears in her eyes, hugging them tightly to herself, intent on never letting them go again. Sometimes Josh was there too, as happy and emotional as she was about their return. Always she would wake up, filled with disappointment, real tears wet on her face. It was becoming a perpetual cycle, crying over the Washington's.

 The point when her dreams of Hannah and Beth became twisted darker with the truth, had came after cleaning her room, of all things. The process always took forever, not necessarily because of any large mess, but because she'd stumble across little pieces of the past in objects and photographs. That used to be one of her favorite things to do, she could find something she hadn't seen in months, maybe even a year, and reminisce.

 Now it was a process of avoiding those items of sentiment, most of her pictures of Hannah and Beth stacked neatly in an unused corner of her bookshelf. Going through them a handful of times after their disappearance, she had gritted through the pain of it, and was capable of deriving some happiness of the warm memories captured there. They had still been missing, there was hope, although it was near impossible that after that long they'd show up alive. Sam had reassured herself that she could find closure eventually, that they had probably frozen and that it was time to try moving on. It wasn't to say that freezing to death was anything _pleasant_ , it was just much less awful than what actually happened, less horrible than the fate they truly met.

 The reason she felt so entirely culpable whenever she allowed a glance at the pile, or whenever she thought about Josh's own grief was because she had been awake when the others had played the cruel prank on Hannah. Hannah, her best friend, and yet she couldn't find her in the lodge in time to warn her. The size of the place wasn't an excuse, she'd been up there enough times. She could have found the note before Hannah and gotten rid of it, could have went with Beth when she ran off to look for her, could have done something differently. That little change could have made everything different, Hannah and Beth could still be alive and this whole disaster would have never happened.

 So she blamed herself, and when they revisited Blackwood, when the nightmare was said and done, she finally knew for certain the fate the Twins had met. Surely freezing to death would have been a luxury in comparison.

 Now, she'd have to start all over, repeat the process of making it so that she was capable of looking through those memories . Looking at them for the first month, even staring at them in contemplation for too long from across her bedroom was unpleasant. She'd usually dream of Hannah slowly starving, calling out mournfully, wondering why no one was looking for her. Dream of Beth's head, glass-like eyes staring at her in the dark of the mines. As time passed they accompanied dreams of Josh less and less, which was something at least. Hopefully it'd be sooner than later that she could look at the pictures.

 Right now she was sitting on a park swing, swaying halfheartedly, as she considered it. She had tried looking over the pictures this morning, it had been stifling and she had to get out of the house, had to breathe. She had been out all day since then, a little nervous to return back home. The dreams might come, they might not, regardless bad ones were almost guaranteed. Trying, she was trying, and it was bound to pay off eventually. A voice behind her made her jump, tearing her from her thoughts.

 "Sam? I didn't expect to run into you." Josh was walking up, hair ruffled and hands shoved in his pockets. He walked over, sitting on the swing next to hers.

"I could say the same to you, since when do you come to the park?” She made a conscious effort to put humor in her voice. It would probably seem like she was unhappy to see him otherwise, and that definitely wasn’t the case. Unexpected as it was to find him here, it was a pleasant surprise.

“Since Chris left me here. We were hanging out, he had to leave for a dentist appointment.”

“And he didn’t offer you a ride home? That doesn’t sound like Chris.”

“He did, I just decided to walk instead. He seemed like he was in a hurry, I think he must have forgotten about it. But it’s a good thing I did,”Josh flashed her a grin. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have ran into you.”

“Oh?” She laughed, her lips upturning as well. “Well I don’t think I could disagree with you there. Did you two go out for dinner?”

“No, why?”

 “It’s getting dark,” She gestured towards the sky. “So I was wondering if you wanted to stay over? I was going to go home and make some food soon.”

 “You want me to stay _over_? And you’re cooking me dinner? Is this, a _date_ , perhaps?” The dramatic, joking tone to his voice didn’t change the fact that the implication had her trying, with much difficulty, to keep a blush from her face.

“Don’t make me change my mind.”

“Alright, alright. I mean, you already know my answer.”

 ----

“Are you sure I can’t help at all?”

“It’s just pasta Josh, It’s fine. Why don’t you go pick out a movie?”

“You have no movies.”

“I do!”

“No good movies might as well be none at all, Sammy.”

She pointed at the table. “Dinner is ready, sit your ass down.”

 He laughed through the entire meal. Apparently her taste in movies was a comedy in itself. They settled on a movie channel, and decided to just watch through the movies until they both fell asleep. Some sappy romance was playing when Sam started dozing off. Josh had been criticizing each movie as it came, and this once he absolutely cringed at, saying how it was something Chris would pick out. Apparently his taste was even worse than Sam’s, which she didn’t doubt. Now though, Josh had fallen asleep, head against her shoulder, arm draped lightly around her. A cliche scene with one of the love interests chasing the other into the rain was lighting the room, and she drifted into sleep.

Hannah and Beth didn’t haunt her dreams, but Josh did, he always did. It was dream about Josh’s faked death this time that woke her in the middle of the night, muscles tense. She had almost forgotten he was there, and she looked over, hoping she hadn’t been screaming in her sleep. Feeling the moisture on her cheeks, it was obvious she had been crying, but it was dark and if he wasn't awake maybe he wouldn’t notice? Unfortunately she wasn’t so lucky, because he was awake, it looked like maybe he had been for a while.

He was staring back at her, and the dim lighting from the paused T.V. screen illuminated his features. It was the look in his eyes, the fear in them, that gave it away. Clearly he had woken from the very same thing. The room was silent for a couple of minutes before she made up her mind, calming her breathing before placing her hand on his. 

“Josh, I think we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO glad I'm done with this chapter! It took me a long time to think of exactly how I wanted to work it out, and I had to restart a couple of times. I think it came out a little better, and a little differently than I originally expected though.(maybe???) I'm hoping the next one won't take me as long as this one did >.>
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr! ](http://iizaya.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	7. Catch up with the sunrise

Quickly Sam wiped the tears from her face, hoping they would be forgotten. A quiet, barely audible “Why?” left him, and if not for their proximity she was certain she wouldn’t have heard it.

"I want to actually talk with you about all of this, because it’s never going to be completely resolved if we don’t." Part of her was screaming at her to change the subject somehow, as unnatural as the transition would be. She pushed the thought out of her head.

 He made a slow, shaky attempt at drawing a deep breath. "Okay..Alright, you're right. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say really. That I'm sorry? That sounds cheap, sorry isn't enough, I've said it more times than I can count and I don't think there is something that's enough," he seemed to almost force out a humorless laugh, the room so silent it practically echoed off the walls.

 "And besides, why would any of you forgive me for what I did, honestly? I still haven't forgiven them, and what I did it was intentional. I spent so much time pushing you all away, and still you're here..." He was holding onto her hand tightly now, confirming his own statement. Squeezing his hand back in return, she nodded.

 "I'm still here. As long as you want me here," her voice caught on the last part, but she shook it off, quickly continuing on. "I'll be here, I won't abandon you." _Not like before,_ she thought regretfully.

 "No, no I don't want you to leave, that's...That's not what I want. It's just... Do I even deserve this, honestly? I hurt you Sam, I hurt all of you..."

"You don't deserve to be left alone, you don't deserve to be punished like that for what you did, if that's what you mean. I'm not going to tell you that what you did was okay, it wasn't, but you weren't okay either. You had no idea that there were...those things on that mountain either, I know that Josh."

Her own hands were trembling, but she places both of them on Josh's, forcing herself to continue with what she has to say.

"Forgiveness takes time, though. I still feel angry, and hurt and betrayed, but there's no way I'd be unwilling to forgive you, unwilling to move past this. If I felt that way I would have never showed up at your door."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, looking mournfully at their hands, not meeting her gaze. "You should hate me shouldn't you? That would make sense, all that time you did spend avoiding me I was so sure you did. If...If I were you I would."

"Well I definitely don't hate you Josh, I hate what you did. I know you're sorry and I'm sorry too. We've all made mistakes, done things we regret; it hurts that we can't go back and fix them, but that's just how things are. I care about you, okay? Mike, Jess, and Chris? They do too. I'm not going to leave you again, none of us are."

Sam was almost certain she had already told him she wasn't leaving him. It was an absolute, she said it again to make sure that he knew, to make sure she knew.

"I really want to believe you, Sammy I do. Sometimes it feels believable, that you all care, other times I just...feel like it's all one big lie, sometimes I can't help but feel like none of you would ever forgive me..." Voice quieting, he looked back at her, his eyes hopeful, desperate.

"I don't think I completely have forgiven you, but I will. I'll be here for you, on the good days and on the bad ones. When it's hard to believe I'll be there to tell you it's true until it's easy, natural even. If there's one thing we have it's time. We can heal together, if you're willing." 

"Yeah, I want to try that..." He mumbled, leaning his side against the couch, eyes closing for a few long moments, then reopening once more. "I'm glad...I'm so fucking _glad_ I have someone like you, Sam..." The words left him like a gentle breeze, for now he was calm. For now he was assured that she didn't loathe him, wouldn't leave. Someday soon, she hoped, that feeling wouldn't waver.

"I'm glad to have you too Josh. I mean that."

 All the strength she had mustered up was leaving her, the weight of her own words filling her with worry. Hopefully her words had the right impact. More than anything she wanted to be his shoulder to lean on, wanted to help him through everything. Not because she hadn't done enough before the anniversary, but because this was right. Her heart thumping lightly against her chest, their hands an awkward, soothing pile on her lap, staring at each other in the dark of her small apartments living room, actually talking. Taking a step forward from the past, instead of carefully living while avoiding its mention, they were starting the healing process by addressing the wounds of Blackwood.

 After that the conversation drifted off, there were long moments of silence that filled the room. Occasionally they'd make a few remarks here and there about the mountain, about how it made them feel. There was no need rush through everything, they did have time now. Time to get through everything at their own, comfortable pace. Nothing like this ever changed overnight, but it could start. About an hour after the sun rose, she got up.

 "Where are you going?"

 "I'm going to go put some shoes on, I'm driving you back to your house. You probably have more food to choose from than I do, not to mention your couch is much more comfortable."

She didn't mention how her own place currently felt much emptier than even the Washingtons home.

"But you'll stay?"

She held out her hand to help him up, smiling softly. "Of course I will."

The drive to Josh's house was quiet and peaceful, Josh was leaning against the car door, eyes drifting closed, then abruptly open again with every slight bump from the road. Music from the radio played softly in the background.

 Once they arrived, they both collapsed tiredly on the couch. Laying her head against his shoulder, she allowed her eyes to lazily scan around the room. The house was completely silent, Josh's parents clearly weren't home, but they were always out on 'business'. It was more likely that they were avoiding the only child they had left, and the thought made her angry. Even before the incident they had been distant, and seemingly careless. Hannah and Beth had always used to be here to keep him company, now this place must be so lonely. She was caught up in her train of thought, didn't hear Josh trying to get her attention at first.

"Sam?"

"Sorry, what was that?" She glanced up at him apologetically.

 "I have to leave for a psychiatrist appointment at one. I was just saying if you fall asleep and wake up and I'm not here, I'll be back."

"Do you need a ride there?"

"Nah, Chris usually takes me. I wouldn't want to wake you up if you're sleeping..."

"Don't worry about me! I'm not-" Her own body betrayed her, she was unable to help a sleepy yawn. "...tired." Great. Her statement was completely invalid now.

He laughed, ruffling her hair playfully. There was always something contagious about his laughter, she was laughing along with him.

 "Chris it is then."

 Comfortably they sat in silence together for what must have been a half an hour, until Sam couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. She swore she felt a warm weight settle over her, it was too much effort to open her eyes and see what it was. Realizing that Josh must have given her a blanket, she smiled as she fell into sleep.

 When she woke up, the first thing she heard was Chris' loud whispering, and when she lifted her arms to stretch he stopped short.

 "Shit, sorry Sam.." He was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, phone in hand. It was obvious that Ashley was on the other end.

"No, no don't be," She got up from her position on the couch, a little dizzy with sleep. The clock on the wall told her it was almost three. "Where's Josh?"

"He went to the kitchen to get a drink. So, uh, how'd you sleep?"

She froze at the question. Unable to answer, she began laughing, much to her surprise. _How had she slept?_ Bad, horrible, was always the answer. Yet no nightmares had came, nothing had, just rest. Suddenly she realized she had forgotten to take a breath, and focused her attention on that. Chris saw her conflicted expression and uttered a quick goodbye to Ashley on the other end, hanging up and rushing over to Sam worriedly.

 "D-did I say something? Are you okay?" He looked as if he wanted to put an arm around her in reassurance, but wasn't sure if it would help. Josh's voice sounded from the doorway.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

She looked up at him, beaming, smiling widely. Then back to Chris. "Nothing. I slept fine, Chris. I slept _great_ , actually."

Something so simple, something that shouldn't be this relieving, yet it had been so long since the last time she'd slept nightmare free. A deep, dreamless rest for a change, a break from the terror of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this one took so long, I had an essay this week to write!! Probably the hardest chapter for me so far, but I think I'm happy with it? Anyways let me know what you think, this chapter is kind of like a scrapbook bc I took all the times I /tried/ writing it and added the bits and pieces I liked together :')
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	8. Petrichor and solitaire

A cloudy sky had been looming overhead all morning, and shortly after Sam woke up it had began pouring rain. Yesterday there hadn't been a cloud in the sky, and Sam found it uplifting that the weathers disposition could change so quickly, gloomy rain or not. Sam, Chris and Josh had been lounging around on the couch for the entirety of the day. It was lazy and slow going, but those times were some of the most relaxing. They played a couple of card games, flipped through television channels, and just stared absently at the walls now and then. All the while Josh and Sam sat close to each other, a playful smile with an equally playfully joke coming from him every time their hands 'accidentally' brushed against one another during cards. Chris looked rather awkward and out of place at those times, and very apologetic each time his phone notified him of a message. They all knew who it was.

After a while Chris had to go, keeping _why_ out of the explanation and waving them farewell, accommodated, of course, with some horrible fake accent that Sam had nearly cringed at. At least Josh found it funny, although Chris had tried to distract from the obvious: he was going to see Ashley. Josh's tense frame as he and Chris exchanged a glance when he waved a goodbye at the door frame made it clear that it was known. A fact that hung thick and strange in the air, like a harmful chemical that no one dared breathe in, no one dared mention. Yet Sam was without a doubt the most daring of them all, so she ran out into the rain after Chris, briefly stating that she'd be back in a moment to Josh beforehand.

"Chris, wait a second!"

He turned, his glasses wet from the rain, eyebrows knit with confusion. "Sam? What is it?"

"This might be a lot to ask but..Could you talk to Ashley about maybe speaking to Josh again? I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want, but if she's willing to that'd be great."

He looked unsure, avoiding eye contact. After a few minutes he sighed defeatedly.

 "I'll try, but I can't really guarantee anything..."

"That's okay, I know that. All I need is for you to try."

Running outside into the rain in her thin pajamas barefoot maybe wasn't the best idea, and she began shivering as she shouted a reminder for Chris to drive _safely_ ; he of all people definitely needed it.

 The door opened before she made her way back to it, Josh holding a towel in hand as she walked back in, trying and failing miserably at not leaving a puddle of water in the front entrance.

"Sorry about that, here, I'll clean it up." She took the towel from him, leaning down to wipe up the mess she'd made. Her efforts at cleaning were stopped short when he leaned down and lightly gripped her wrist, right before she could begin mopping up the water. The frown she gave him earned her a small smile in return.

 "Sam, the towel is for _you_ , not the floor. Believe it or not, the wood grain isn't my top priority."

She stood up to full height again, slightly tempted to stand on her toes so that she wouldn't have to look up at him so much as she wrung her damp hair out in the towel. Another 'height of a twelve year old' joke would surely be used if she brought attention to the annoyance their height difference stirred in her though, so she resisted.

 "I'm flattered, really, but you're sure you don't want me to wipe this up?"

"I'll take care of it when you're done drying off."

 He was eyeing her with a questionable intensity, seeming to forget for a moment that she was quite capable of noticing. Then all at once he caught her gaze, they both shaded lightly with embarrassment. Josh averted his gaze from her entirely. Apparently the front door to his own home was the most fascinating thing in the world, because he couldn't seem to tear his eyes from it.

The silence was awkward and long, desperate to break into it Sam said the first thing that came to mind.

 "So, what was up with all the hand touching today?"

 Shit. That wasn't really any more of a comfortable thing to mention, especially with the painfully obvious embarrassment burning at both of their faces.

 "Uh, what?" He blinked, eyes drifting back to hers, clearly he hadn't been expecting that. Neither had she, but here they were and now that this was actually happening she couldn't _not_ keep talking.

 "Oh, y'know the whole, _'Aw Sammy, if you really wanted to hold my hand that badly you should have just asked'_ thing. Even though you were the one who practically grabbed my hand when I went to get the cards to shuffle." she had cleared her throat, standing her tallest as she deepened her voice in her best Josh impression. Sure, her best impression of him was horrible, but that's what she was counting on. Hopefully that would help to make her joke as funny and distracting as it had been intended.

 "Well what's up with the sappy grin you gave me when I said it? Or how you turned tomato red when you remembered Chris was there gaping at us?" His tone was playful yet challenging, the look in his eyes making it obvious that he was grateful for the change of atmosphere. Play-flirting was his speciality after all, always some cheesy pick up line or lewd joke up his sleeve. This he could work with, the awkward tension wonderfully melting away.

"You did it because Chris was there then? I'm not sure who you were trying to make squirm, me or him."

"I would have done it without him there anyways." The words weren't thought out, it was clear he had spoken on impulse and the implication created from the statement had the awkward atmosphere rebuilding itself once more. Back to the door his eyes went. _Even his neck is bright red,_ Sam noted as she found herself admiring the shape of his jaw, swallowing loudly before allowing a glance back at his face.

 This was ridiculous, it wasn't something to be getting so embarrassed by, they weren't little kids anymore. Since when was their joking banter ever _embarrassing_? Laughing, she mock-punched his arm, tossing him the towel as she hurried over to the kitchen to get a drink. Oddly enough, she was suddenly very thirsty.

 "Alright, I'm going to go get some water. Have fun with the puddle."

"Will do."

Long after the embarrassing half conversation was over, Josh was still staring intently at her, for different reasons this time. Her phone was placed innocently on the couch arm, but she'd allowed one too many glances at it and he was suspicious.

 "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"What, run after Chris? I was just telling him-"

"Telling him to try coaxing Ashley into talking to me again? That's what I'm talking about."

 "Look, it's not like that. I told him to ask her if she's ok with trying."

Before he could respond, her phone began ringing, caller ID reading 'Grizzly Adams'.

 "It's Chris." She looked to him uncertainly.

 "Go ahead," he said quietly.

 As soon as she accepted the call, Chris' voice was urgent on the other end. "You still with Josh?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Put it on speaker phone. Please, she wants you both to hear what she has to say."

 "Speaker phone?" She questions it aloud, not for Chris but for Josh. He looks conflicted for a moment, but then nods silently at her in answer.

"Come on, before Ash changes her mind. She actually _wanted_ to do this." Sam can hear what she thinks is someone tapping their foot on the other end. It's hard to say whether it's Chris doing so impatiently, or Ashley doing so out of nervous habit.

She pressed the speaker icon on the screen and placed her phone on a pillow between them on the couch.

 "Um, hello, Josh?" Ashley's voice came through from the other end, timid and almost inaudible.

He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, eyes wide and unfocused. Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Ashley's talking to you."

Eyes moving back to the phone, he spoke."Right, right. Hi Ashley."

"I'm...Sorry I didn't come to see you or anything, I just...can't really do that yet." She paused, Josh looked worriedly from the phone to Sam and back again.

 "I don't want you thinking I hate you or anything though, I just need time. I'm sure that this is hard for you too, and I can't understand why you did what you did. I mean I think I do, but I don't at all and-" Another pause, a deep breath from Sam's phone. "What I'm trying to say is I want to fix things. I'm just scared, really scared, and I'm not the bravest person so it'll be a little while before I have the courage to see you again. Does that make sense?" She sounded unsure of her own words, like maybe they only worked out in her head and not out loud.

 "No, I get it. If you couldn't tell, I'm not that brave either, I haven't even been able to try and contact you to say sorry for...everything." His past words of how 'sorry sounded cheap' came to Sam's mind.  The word had sounded miserable as he said it.

"It's okay. I mean it's not, but also I know what you mean and um well. T-This is a little much right now, I'm really sorry," Ashley's voice was strained, like she was trying not to cry. "Can I call you back tomorrow please? I will, I promise, I've just had a long day, this is kind of overwhelming..."

"Yeah," Josh nearly whispered, "Yeah, that's fine. Thank you, Ash."

The words they exchanged over the phone were tense and uncertain, remarkable enough was the fact that Ashley even wanted to exchange any words at all. Afraid as she was, as afraid as he had made her, she didn't hate him, she had just said so herself. He was staring absently at the now dark screen of Sam's phone, thoughts keeping him occupied.

 Josh had expected to be ignored and hated by all of them. Now there were five. Five of them that wanted to speak to him after this whole disaster, five of them that _cared_. When the tears started running down his face, Sam embraced him. They were going to be okay, somehow she knew they were. Already they were getting better, one step at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is dialogue, I just don't know??? I was writing a short little fic for my friend Sams until dawn otp(or trying to, glaring at the Google doc for the most part) so this got pushed back again :( but I heard [talverrar's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/talverrar/pseuds/talverrar) birthday was coming up so I wanted to get this together before then!! Go read her work if you haven't btw, she's an amazing writer! I hope this chapters ok, hopefully I'll be posting these a little more frequently uwu 
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	9. Maybe they'll come dig up my bones

Ashley was certain to keep her word, but Sam hadn't stayed around for the phone call. She had left that night, reminding Josh to sleep before going. It felt much too personal to her, she didn't want to invade on a conversation those two very clearly needed to have. She was sure that Josh would tell her anything noteworthy said between the two of them after it was said and done. Besides, there was something personal she needed to take care of herself, so she said goodbye and drove home. Driving back felt strange, she had ended up staying at Josh's longer than intended, the company was more comforting than the emptiness of her apartment.

When she got there she found a half piece of paper taped neatly to her door, despite poor lighting of her neighbor's porch light, she recognized Jessica's bold handwriting in a bright pink across the top of the paper.

_Come to the 'get together' party next Saturday!!_

It seemed a little elementary that this party was announced with fliers instead of texts, yet also very _Jess_. It could only mean that her parents had decided to stop hiding her car keys from her, and she had used fliers so that she had an excuse to drive around. Mike wasn't likely to drive her around for that, or at least Sam didn't think he was, he’d more likely find messaging people via phone more practical.

 The rest of the forum had the time of the event, Jess' address, and the promise of food. Taking the paper inside with her, Sam looked over it, a little confused. Mike and Jess had never mentioned anything like this. If it really meant what it implied, that they were going to attempt to get everyone together at a social gathering, it might not be good. There was something else that needed to be taken care of right now though, if she chose to do something else it was likely she'd keep avoiding it and the cycle would never end. Sticking the invitation to the fridge with a magnet, she headed for her room and sat on the floor in front of her bookshelf.

For a moment the idea of pulling a book from its place and reading through the pages enticed her. Anything seemed better than what she had to do right now, which was dig up the pile of memories that were captured in the photographs of the twins she kept there. _You slept dream free just the other day_ , she reminded herself. Did that really mean anything? One night wouldn't do away with all of the nightmares, frankly she didn't know when they would completely end. That was just it: she didn't know when they would end. This had to be done, Hannah and Beth were gone, but that didn't mean they were undeserving of being remembered. Picking up the pictures, she began placing them out on the floor looking over them as she went.

 Embarrassing eighth grade dance pictures, decorative slumber party invitations, senior prom photographs, all spread out across her carpet. Her chest felt tight, but she continued on, until all of their memories were laid out before her. Half the pictures Josh and Beth were in they were photobombing, Sam smiled at the memory of how angry Hannah would get afterwards. Josh would nod and act as if he was very interested in the little lecture Hannah would give. Beth would just end up laughing, making Hannah sigh angrily and start all over again.

It was endearing how seriously Hannah had taken things such as pictures, compatibility  quizzes, and zodiac horoscopes. Recalling one thing led onto another, and soon Sam was looking over every photograph, remembering everything.

 How since middle school Hannah had longed to be considered "popular", for what reason Sam could never understand, since something like that never mattered much to her. Beth already was really, and Hannah envied her for that. When they had first met and started hanging out in seventh grade Sam hadn't even really spoken to Josh for a good year after, in eighth grade. She was Hannah's friend, not his, and Hannah had said she didn't trust him to not "scare Sam away". This confused her and Hannah had rolled her eyes when she asked.

"You know, sibling always do that. They try to embarrass you in front of your friends, or even worse, embarrass your friends in front of you."

"I wouldn't know, I don't have any."

Beth turned out to be the one to embarrass Hannah in front of friends, eventually Beth started considering Sam a friend as well, and the teasing was less but still present.

Then one day she'd been looking for Hannah, cursing how large and maze-like their house was, when she finally encountered Josh. It wasn't as if she'd never seen him before, she'd had plenty of sleepovers and sat at the Washington dinner table countless times by now. Sometimes she'd catch him eyeing her when he thought she wouldn't notice, and when he realized he'd been caught staring he'd quickly excuse himself and hurry off to his room. It was weird to think about, how Sam had started talking to Chris before she had Josh, if only due to the fact that their best friends happened to be related. It might also help that Chris didn't lock himself in his room every time their eyes met.

During her little scavenger hunt for Hannah, Josh had finally ran into her and for the first time, spoken to her.

 "What are you wondering around for?" When he spoke she actually jumped, she was reasonably surprised that he was actually talking to her. She had been under the impression that he hated her, after all he had avoided her like the plague for a year.

“Um, I…” She had been at loss for words, which wasn’t very Sam-like at all. He had started laughing at her.

“Wait, wait, don’t tell me...You’re lost?”

“I am _not_! I just don’t know where Hannah went is all.”

“You know, you sure are _small_. I bet she’s wondering where you are too, all the way down there.” He used his hands expressively to empathize her shortness.

Huffing angrily, she had stood up her tallest, an unconscious habit whenever her height was addressed. “Excuse me, I am not small! You all are just way too tall!...Are you even _listening_?”

“Huh, I bet you’d be pretty good at hiding, too, small people can fit into the best hiding spots…” He had continued, ignoring her and actually considering it. A painful twinge of irony stabbed her as she remembered the conversation now. He had been more right than he could have known then.

The memory hurt too much now, she moved on, looking through pictures of their high school years instead. Hannah had first met Mike in ninth grade, she had science with him and even though it was biology class she would constantly say that it must have meant they had chemistry. Sam never told her, but she’d known Mike since the fourth grade, up until seventh grade she couldn’t stand him. To say the least they didn’t get along, and every time she was forced to speak to him for a class project arguing and name calling would ensue. She had nearly punched him in the face for a particularly angering comment a few years before meeting Hannah, but she had thought of how disappointed her parents would be if she had gotten expelled for acting so immature. Over the few years of middle school their unexplained feud had died out. He had changed in the sense that he quietly told her ‘hello’ when they passed each other in the hallway, instead of trying to trip her. If he was willing to bury whatever dislike they had for each other, so was she.

She didn’t think Hannah would be so head over heels for him, though. Sure he wasn’t nearly as rude or unlikable as he once was, but at the time he still really wasn’t the best person. Trying to convince Hannah that she could do better, that popular jock Michael Munroe really wasn’t worth the trouble, was tiring. He was nice enough to Hannah, but Sam had known him long enough to know he wasn’t interested.

Halfway through that year, Beth had met Jessica, who introduced her to Emily. The three of them had been inseparable, hanging out at each other's houses and signing up for the same electives. They had this air about them that made you feel like they were gossiping about you even if they were actually talking about something entirely unrelated. Chris and Sam ended up having History together, and since they only knew each other in the class they had sat next to each other. After a while he told her that the creative writing class he accidentally signed up for wasn’t actually a bust after all, he had met this girl named Ashley in it. Every day he would spend the period talking to Sam about her, and she felt only a little bit guilty that she zoned out through half of it. After their first encounter Josh and her had started talking as well, and sometimes when Hannah was sick or busy with school plays she would hang out with him and Chris during lunch. Matt and Mike had come into the picture when Em started dating Mike, Matt tagged along the group because the two of them hung out a lot at the time. Somewhere in between freshman and sophomore year they’d all met and become friends, and it was strange to think about now.

Eventually she became tired enough looking through the photographs that she’d fallen asleep there on her bedroom floor. Her dreams were a blur, mixed up nightmares, the sound of Hannah’s laughing shifting into crying. Mike’s voice slowly blending into the mix, but she had never dreamt about Mike, or loosing him on Blackwood, the possibility of him dying never really crossing her mind until now-

“Sam! Hey, are you there?” The voice was accompanied with the sound of her doorbell ringing.

Jumping up, she stepped carefully over all of the scattered pictures, and yelled a response. “I’m Coming!”

When she opened the door she had still expected it to be dark out, but apparently she had slept through the night, because she had to squint at the sunlight she let in.

“Hey, you don’t look so good, you okay?” Mike said, eyeing her worriedly. She traced a hand over her cheek and felt the imprint of the carpet there.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just slept on the floor.” She opened the door for him, and as he walked inside she eyed the clock on the wall and continued. “So,what brings you here at ten in the morning?”

“Jess wanted me to stop by and see if you got your invitation.” He was already making his way towards her small dining table, pulling up one of the chairs and sitting down.

“I did, and I'm worried about that.”

“I thought you might be.” he sighed. “This could actually work out though, Josh and Ashley are finally talking.”

“I know that.”

“Chris told you too?”

“More like I asked Chris to see if she would.”

“Okay, well, my point is this could be good for all of us. Ever since Blackwood we haven’t all gotten together. Most of us are on decent terms, but this might help for everyone to be. Jess even insisted on inviting Matt and Em.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Walked up to their doors herself. Matt answered and accepted the invitation, Em either wasn’t there or ignored her. Which if you ask me isn’t fair, she should be mad at me, absolutely, but Jess? I’m hoping one of us can get through to her. Actually I was sort of wondering if you could try?”

“Me? I’ve never really been close to Em, if Jess couldn’t make her answer the door what makes you think I will?”

“You are probably the most agreeable of all of us. Not to mention you're the only one who really stood up for her when I pulled that stunt with the gun. Can’t you at least try? It’s not like I can go, I’m probably the last person she wants to see.”

Sam sighed. Hopefully she wouldn’t end up regretting this. “Fine, Michael, I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like good old memory lane, am I right? Honestly this was not supposed to be this long but I guess it's better this way sooo...Anyways I think this will only be a couple of chapters longer, although exactly how many more I'm not sure yet. I'm almost certain that after this is said and done I'll be writing more Sam/Josh though! Anyways for now get ready for Emily because I know I am 8)
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	10. Before the day is done

Shifting from one foot to another, Sam waited patiently at Emily's doorstep after ringing her doorbell. It has been a good five minutes since she pressed the bell the first time, so she tried again. Emily's car was in the driveway, making it blatantly obvious that she was home.

Another five minutes and Sam rang the doorbell a final time. She wasn't expecting anything different, but this time the door opened a bit, Emily eyeing her suspiciously from inside.

"Sam." She said curtly, her eyes glossing over her briefly.

 "Hi, Em. How are you?" She tried for warm and inviting, the response she got was anything but.

"What do you want?"

"Look," Sam sighed. "Can I come in please?"

"And why should I let you in? You're lucky I even opened the door, whatever you came to tell me you can tell me right here."

"Okay, okay fine. It's about this party-"

"Don't waste your breath," Emily laughed, opening the door a bit more as she leaned against the frame. "I already got Jess' invitation, she slid it under my door when I wouldn't answer. I'm not going to your little pity party."

"Em, I know that...the way everyone treated you wasn't fair, it wasn't right. Everyone else is giving this a chance though, and we'd really like it if you came..."

"You sound just like Matt right now, you know that? He wanted me to go too, you all think this is going to be good for us, that'll be some big step forward. Maybe that's the case for all of you, but really, how do you think _I_ feel? Just about everyone in that room wanted Mike to pull the trigger, bite or not, that _hurts_."

"You're right."

 The statement seemed to surprise Emily, she looked like she had been completely prepared to continue to argue, to forcefully convince Sam of her point.

 "Wait, what did you say...?" Emily had unconsciously moved completely from behind the door now, standing face-to-face with Sam.

"I can't imagine exactly how you must have felt, I've never been in the situation you were in. I know that I'm sorry, I know that all of us are, but that doesn't make up for it. The choice is yours, I can't make you give us a second chance and I can't make you go. All I can do is hope you'll consider it."

With that she quickly said a goodbye, walking from Em's doorstep promptly afterwards. Em didn't say a word, didn't move. She had left her speechless, a feat Sam had never accomplished before. When she glanced back at Emily's door, she was already inside again.

 ----

Mike called in the morning, sounding both eager and nervous when he questioned Sam's success.

 "Any luck with Em?"

"She answered the door. I'm not so sure she wants to come this Saturday, she's really upset still Mike."

His voice was strained, a twinge of pain reaching her ears from the other end. "Damn it..I figured as much. Do you think...do you think maybe she'll change her mind?"

"Maybe, but don't get your hopes up."

"Right, you got it. Just, let me know okay? If she does, that is. This won't exactly be a real _party_ , but it'll hopefully bring everyone together again."

"I will, don't worry. I'll talk to you later."

Over the next few days Sam tried to just focus on busying herself with studies instead of the fast approaching date on Jessica's handout. There were no calls from Emily, but plenty from Mike and Jess. Matt had started messaging the others again, apologizing for his long silence, while Em continued to lock herself away.

During the days leading up to the party Sam sent Josh a few messages, sometimes he'd answer right away and sometimes he'd answer ten hours after the fact. That was always how he'd been though, and usually there was no sense in worrying, he had plenty of moments where he forgot to even check his phone.

It probably meant nothing, and even if it did mean something he had Chris, Mike, Jess, and now Ashley who could check up on him too, who probably did check up on him. That alone was relieving, uplifting even. He didn't have to be alone in this anymore, after everything almost everyone was still willing to help. That didn’t stop her from worrying though, by Wednesday she went over to see him.

She and Josh had been talking so much more lately, sometimes they would stay up late on the phone for hours, the same way they once used to in high school. It wasn't until then that she realized just how much she _missed_ it. Mike had confirmed that Jess had given Josh an invitation too, but he hadn't said a word of it to anyone. In fact, he'd been talking to Sam significantly less since the day Jess passed out the invites, and she was worried that the upcoming 'party' was occupying his thoughts.

It had been on the drive home from the store that she drove over to his house, but it hadn't been planned and she hadn't said she would be dropping by. She didn't even know she was going to, she had been thinking about what he might think of Jess' party and ended up taking a turn that lead to his house instead of home.

 When he answered the door he was rubbing an eye tiredly with one hand, looking at her in confusion.

"Sammy? What are you doing here?" He mumbled.

 "I don't know I just...felt like coming over. Sorry, did I wake you?" It was only seven at night, but Josh didn't seem to ever consistently sleep anymore, so it really wasn't too surprising.

 "It's fine," he broke off, yawning. "Come in."

Once they had settled down in the living room, as always, she was blurting the words out before she could give herself time to regret them.

"Are you going on Saturday? I mean you don't have to of course, I completely understand if you don't but you haven't said anything and I'm just wondering...?" She cringed a little at her own words once they were out in the open. A good three minutes were counted out in her head before he said anything.

"I don't really know. Mike and Chris both think I really should, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that any of you are still even _speaking_ to me. I'm just sort of..scared." The last word sounded as if it were difficult for him to say, and it came out in a whisper.

"It's okay, I am too. I think everyone's nervous about this whole thing. If you do go though, I'll be there the whole time, okay?"

 He nodded. "Yeah, okay."

They sat in a familiar silence for a while, the fact that she had groceries she had to put in the fridge sitting in the back of her car only a slightly important reminder in the back of her mind: she couldn't stay here long tonight. She wondered idly why she even _came_ , she could didn't need to burn gas money to come over here and have a fifteen minute conversation with him that she could have had over the phone. He spoke again before she could try any longer to place a reason behind it.

"I think...I'll probably go," he didn't look at her as he said it, instead pulling on a loose thread on the blanket he had wrapped around himself. "If you do, I'll go."

"I'll be there." She promised, hugging him tightly before leaving.

When she walked out to her car she realized that she'd left her phone in the car and she had missed calls and a voicemail. All of which were surprisingly from Emily.

 She decided to listen to the voicemail now and call her back once she was home. Em's voice came through on the other end.

"So, you're still just as terrible at picking up your phone as you've always been. No surprise." Her voice changed from critical to soft, quieter, as if Em herself couldn't believe what she was about to say. "I'll go to Jess' on Saturday. I don't know _why_ I decided this would be a good idea, but I did. I'm hoping I won't regret this."

Sam stared absently at her phone. All of them. Everyone was going now, despite how painfully familiar this would be. The last words of Emily's message ringing in her ears still. 

"I'm hoping I won't regret this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been busy with Halloween stuff + I wasn't feeling well this weekend but I finally got around to this! Sorry I know this one isn't really worth the wait but I need a sort of in between chapter before everything comes together >.> Either this chapter or the next is going to be the second to last, we are practically at the end! Thanks so much to everyone who's still reading this far, you're all amazing, please continue to let me know what you think of it so far!!
> 
> If you want to talk to me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com)
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated! :)


	11. I am done with my graceless heart

Friday had finally came along, and Sam dreadfully realized there was only one day left until everyone was heading over to Jessica's for the get together. When she spoke to Jess on the phone about it she never seemed particularly nervous, or even worried. Sam had asked if she was, even a little, but the question confused her.

"Why would I be worried?" She had said. "All of my friends are coming over for a sleepover that _isn't_ on a monster infested mountain. If anything, I'm excited!"

That had been the first Sam had heard of it being a sleepover, Jess telling her to bring a pillow because she wasn't getting out of this. Not that she'd been planning on bailing, it was tempting though. It was beyond her how Mike and Jess could have zero concerns about this.

 All day Sam had been messaging Josh, informing him of the detail Jess left out and asking if he was still planning on coming. The first message she had sent at eight in the morning, a time he was almost always awake. He hadn't answered at all, and it was now six in the afternoon, so she drove over like Wednesday, figuring she could just tell him in person.

 When she knocked on the door no one answered. Josh was a light sleeper, and since he was always in the living room close to the front door now there was no way he didn't hear her. Hesitantly, she turned the doorknob. It was unlocked.

 "Josh..?" No answer. He wasn't in the living room, maybe he wasn't even home. Opening and walking into someone's house uninvited wasn't exactly the best idea, so she turned to leave. A sound caught her ear before she could, far away but definitely in the house, upstairs. Something falling down.

She made her way up the stairs quickly, looking down the hallway. The door closest the stairway was one she distinctly remembered as Hannah's room, door tightly shut, along with Beth's to the left of it. A door farther down the hall, the door to Josh's room, wasn't completely closed. Slowly she made her way down the hall, knocking lightly on the wood.

 "...Josh? Can I come in?" The silence in the big house was incredibly loud for a long moment.

"Come in." His voice was hoarse, and as she stepped in she realized the sound she had heard was a framed picture falling, the broken glass scattered near the doorway.

 "What happened here, are you okay?"

He was sitting at the foot of his bed, staring absently at a box on the floor nearby.

 "Sorry about the mess, I was just about to take care of it." He looked up slowly at her, his hair a mess and his eyes lacking sleep.

 "Don't worry about that, I'll clean it up, alright?" The moment he nodded in agreement she rushed down the hall, knowing after years of coming here where the Washingtons kept a broom.

It wasn't that cleaning the glass in itself was an urgent matter, but she didn't want to leave Josh alone for too long. The look in his eyes was a mix of relief and guilt, as if he was glad to see her yet didn't want her to see him like this. As Sam began sweeping up the shards, she found and picked up the picture frame and the photograph that had fallen from it in the first place.

 It was a picture from sophomore year of Hannah, Beth and Josh. She remembered it as Emily's back to school pool party, a glimpse of her backyard in the background of the shot, along with Chris falling face first into the swimming pool. Another time the picture would probably be pleasant to look at, right now it meant one thing: Josh was trying to remember them too, as they really had been, not in their nightmares but in their scrapbooks, in their memories.

"I was looking through their pictures," he motioned towards the box on the floor. "Thought I'd be fine, that I was completely ready. I was wrong."

She shook the glass from the dustpan into his garbage bin, then made her way across the room, carefully sitting next to him on the bed. There hadn't been a single time since the group's escape from the mountain that he'd even come in here, it felt every bit as cold and unused as suggested. It was possible that he hadn't even been in here since the twins initial disappearance.

 "I didn't mean to ignore your messages by the way," he was picking up the box, only to shove it and its contents under his bed. "I was just...distracted."

"It's fine, really. This is definitely more important, you're actually in _here_ and looking throu-"

"Sam don't, please. I couldn't even do it, not really. I _tried_ but..I'm still not ready." He was looking to her desperately, as if for an answer in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. Here," she moved over towards the headboard, sitting cross legged and leaning against it, patting the space next to her. "Let's talk."

He followed her, sitting in the space she had motioned towards, a confused look crossing his features. "About..?"

"Anything and everything."

It was almost nostalgic, the two of them wasting the hours away talking about things, whatever came to mind, whatever didn't hurt to say. Once they had actually started talking in their highschool years, it was a routine they had fallen into, and now they had slowly began digging it up again after nearly two years. She knew that when he was upset it helped him as a distraction, just as well as she knew there were times when this routine helped her too.

 The weary look in his eyes that she noted as time went on reminded her of the look she saw in herself, of every sleepless night she'd had over Hannah and Beth, of every sleepless night she'd had over _him_.

 "I'm still going..tomorrow, I mean." He was tracing patterns into his arm, his eyes focused on the task.

 "Good, good. Me too." The sun had long since set, and she was beginning to feel tired. "Hey Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you avoid me for so long when we first met?" It was a question that had been left unresolved, a question that had been nagging at her for years.

 "Well I guess it's because I was intimidated by you," he broke off to yawn, eyes almost drifting close at this point. "You seemed so pretty and strong and smart and you _are_ and.." He trailed off, clearly exhausted, his heavy eyes drifted close.

 Sam had been sleepy before, but after Josh's answer she was wide awake. It had taken her by surprise, she wasn't sure what she thought he was going to say but it wasn't that. She more expecting of something along the lines of 'you were my sisters friend and she nagged me for even looking at you the wrong way.' There was no point in leaving, she was driving Josh to Jessica's tomorrow, and it was already past eleven. But she was wide awake now, she almost didn't notice when the sun rose and she hadn't gotten any sleep.

 ----

"Hey you two, come on in!" Jess said, opening the door for them and smiling. "You are a little late though, everyone's already here. My parents are out of town this weekend too, so they won't be bothering us."

Josh walked in more slowly, allowing Sam to go first. He was looking around nervously, and Sam gripped his hand in hers, trying to help distract him.

"Hey Jess, where do you want these?" Matt called from the doorway to the kitchen.

 He was balancing an unreasonable amount of snacks in his arms. Emily was standing next to him, holding a comically large bag of chips, glaring at the bag in her arms as if it was some sort of abomination.

 "Woah there, let me help you with all of those!" And Jess was gone, skipping over to Matt and Em to assist them.

 Sam guided Josh nearly to the living room by hand, turning to him before they walked into sight.

"You ready?"

He looked a little bit like a deer caught in the headlights, but after a moment he took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm ready."

Jessica's living room was big, a long couch lining one wall and a large television stood against the wall across it, a stocked bookshelf against the wall in between. A few of the books missing from their place, sitting on Ashley's lap. Ashley and Chris were sitting on the couch farthest from the door, Chris talking animatedly and Ashley listening intently, a soft smile on her face. Chris stopped mid-sentence to wave at them coming in. Mike was sitting on the other end of the couch, flipping through channels, and when Josh and Sam stepped in he motioned towards the space next to him.

 "Sit down you two, we might be able to watch something good before everyone else gets back in here."

As they took their seats, Sam saw Josh and Ashley briefly exchange a look, the smile on Ashley's face only faltering slightly. It was only for a moment though, then she was turning back to Chris, and Josh back to Mike.

 "Define 'good' Michael. The last time we watched something together it was half of the second season of _Supernatural_." Josh said, a little bit of his nervousness leaving his voice.

"It's better than what Jess has planned. She said we'd all vote on movies after the first one, but she's got first pick."

"Are you critiquing my movie taste?" Jess walked through the door, a large bowl of popcorn in her hands and Em and Matt trailing in behind her.

"Only a little."

"Yeah, _sure_ ," She sat down in the middle of the couch, leaving Matt to take a seat next to Ashley and Em next to Josh. "I hope everyone's comfortable, I've got the first movie picked out!"

The groans of complaint that sounded through the room didn't stop Jess from putting on _Mean Girls_. "I know it's cliche, but it's kind of laughable because of that, and the ending isn't _terrible_. It'll be a nice ice breaker!"

Surprisingly enough, it was just that. At first nearly everyone was stubbornly set on not saying a word, being completely uninterested, but Jessica's enthusiasm helped to lighten the mood. Halfway through almost everyone was making fun of it, laughing together and making bad jokes. Emily looked like she was determined to continue to dislike the experience, but Sam caught her slowly starting to smile at some of the others remarks, and Jess couldn't look happier when she noticed that the ice queen was thawing.

 After a couple of movies in more snacks had been brought out, and everyone had moved around some, Jess and Mike sitting cross-legged on the floor, Matt sitting nearby them and Em having taken Jess' orginal spot in the middle of the couch. It was almost alarming to realize that this was familiar in a pleasant way, all of them together like this, the majority of the tension lifted off of everyone's shoulders. Still no one even dared recommending even the worst horror movie, no one turned the lights off, little things that were a reminder of why this entire event was remarkable. They were all there together and nothing unspeakable or horrible had happened, they were okay. Josh didn't even seem as tense as he was before, like the rest of them the tension from his voice hadn't entirely left, but they were all talking freely through the drawn out parts of the films, only really watching at the most dramatic scenes.

Gradually throughout the current movie Ashley had started moving closer to where Sam and Josh were sitting, and now she promptly sat next to him. Despite her being the one to do so, she looked just as startled as him. For a moment they both continued watching the film. Sam saw that they were tracing over the ghost of their old injuries, Ashley suddenly tracing over the skin that used to be bruised by a black eye, only to try and cover it up by pulling some of her hair behind her ear. Josh was lightly placing a hand over where she had stabbed him, and Sam imagined there had to be a scar there. They may have started talking again, but this was probably the first time they saw each other in person.

Ashley took a deep breath, and then turned to him, a small smile on her face. "So, how do you like the movie?"

 "Well," he turned to her, a little hesitantly. "It's not the one I would have voted for, but it's better than I expected."

"Hey, Sam." Emily was beckoning her over, an expectant look on her face. "Come over here."

She didn't get to hear anymore of Ashley and Josh's awkward conversation, but she knew it was okay. They were warming up to each other again, and it was more than anyone could have expected.

 "I just wanted to say...I mean, thank you." Emily said it quickly, as if she almost hoped Sam wouldn't hear. "For convincing me to come here. I mean, I'm still mad, I might always be, but I think I have right to be. That doesn't mean I should just shut you all out forever."

There was a pause, Sam didn't say anything yet though. Better to make sure Em had her say then accidentally cut her off.

 "I guess I'm trying to be sincere here and make a point. Of course I could have continued to shut you all out, but I didn't. And I actually sort of feel...weirdly better because of it." Emily huffed.

 "I'm glad you do, to tell you the truth, I almost didn't want to come today either. I think everyone was worried about this but...it's going much better than I expected." At that Em nodded in agreement, and Jess announced the next movies up for vote. The night continued, and almost everyone ended up on the floor with pillows and blankets.

 ----

When Sam first woke up she was confused, for a moment forgetting that she and her friends had all fallen asleep on Jessica's living room floor, all except Emily, who insisted on sleeping on the couch. Sam wasn't entirely sure what had happened after she had passed out, because at some point in the night Jess had apparently decided to join her there, and it looked like Em was using her as a pillow. Chris and Ashley were predictably cuddled up at the far end of the pile of blankets, Matt a little ways away, his blanket stolen by Mike who was oddly stretched out across the room from everyone somehow. Josh was still next to her, and when she turned to face him she saw that he wasn't asleep either.

"Morning." She whispered, well aware that they were the only ones awake. "How'd you sleep?" She couldn't remember her own dreams, and the once constant nightmares only came in inconsistent patches, only a couple times a week now.

"To tell you the truth I'm not sure I _did_ sleep."

"Why? Are you alright?"

 "I'm fine, I actually didn't really want the night to end, which is why. I mean, this was definitely nerve wracking, but.."

"Better than expected?"

"Yeah," he smiled a little. "Definitely."

She only now realized just how close they were, how she had probably been breathing on his neck in her sleep. Maybe at some other point in time it would have been embarrassing, but there was even more of a closeness between them now, she was past the time when being close to him was embarrassing, and it was now reassuring. So instead she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Through her sleep fogged mind a great sense of happiness, a giddy sort of excitement was bubbling up.

"Sammy..?" He hugged her back, almost instantly, as if by reflex. He was threading his fingers through her tangled hair.

 "We're all here _together_ , Josh." She was whispering the words into his shirt. "I just never thought this would happen again, we aren't completely alright, but we've all gotten better, are continuing to get better. We're all mending."

A shaky breath in a room full of sleeping friends. His words were just as quiet as hers, the only sound in the room other than eight people's light breathing.

"Yeah. We're all mending."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sorry I'm juggling a ton of different writings and personal stuff but the final chapter is finally here!! I'm sorry if this ending isn't the best, like I initially said this is my first fic and in any writing conclusions have always been my weak point >.>
> 
> I'm almost certain I'll keep writing Josh/Sam and Until Dawn in general though, because I love both! Thank you to everyone for commenting, if you have any final comments please put them on this chapter! Your comments are really inspiring and half the reason I kept posting in the first place, the feedback is immensely helpful! I'd like to personally thank [queenlara](http://archiveofourown.org/users/queenlara/pseuds/queenlara) for always giving me amazing feedback and just being a sweetheart in general? But also[ viqagal](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Viqagal/pseuds/Viqagal) For commenting a lot and giving a ton of support! Honestly just everyone who's commented and read this thank you I really appreciate it! Of course the biggest thanks to [talverrar](http://archiveofourown.org/users/talverrar/pseuds/talverrar) for inspiring me to publish and even write this in the first place! 
> 
> If you have any prompts you want to run by me or if you just want to talk about UD you can find me on my [tumblr!](http://iizaya.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first time ever writing fan fiction! I'm going to try and update this regularly but I have school so if I don't always regularly update I'm sorry! Thank you again to talverrar for the inspiration! Feedback would be much appreciated :)


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